A conversation showing that communication is just as important and necessary as putting on the "magic condom." That said, moving forward, all of our performers who produce non-condom content will address these issues directly at the beginning of each scene. More and more, I saw non-condom content being produced that often equated un-protected sex as being dirty, drug- or alcohol-fueled, forced and even incestual.Īnd while I always try my best to have a sex positive attitude regarding porn, these trends in the industry disturbed me because, to me, condomless sex is beautiful in that it often represents the Union of Coming Together between two individuals that TRUST each other.Īnd now, this is the conversation I want to have - one of KNOWING, TRUST, and COMMUNICATION. Over the years, CockyBoys has only produced safe sex porn - and in some silly way I believed that made us better as a porn company. In fact, I began to even believe that just MY THINKING about gay sex would possibly lead to contacting the Plague. In that moment I could not imagine a life where all that I wanted would be considered so bad. What followed was always an onslaught of guilt, shame, fear and loathing along with all the competing voices - Gay plague, bad wieners, gifts from God and original sin. In that moment I was in a perfect bliss, everything seemed right and all the pieces seemed to fit in this ongoing jigsaw puzzle that was my life. And over and over, as I stimulated myself, I would imagine what I would do to this man and imagined what he would do to me. Over and over I would jack off to this one Calvin Klein underwear ad - truly one of the most sublime men, poses, and images I had ever seen. Now mind you, up until that time my parents had never even discussed actual vaginal intercourse with me, or any sexual conversation other than the “puberty” talk and that I should not be afraid that my body was changing and this was part of “growing up!”Īt that time, with my hormones raging, my mind was in constant conflict with my cock. While setting the table, my mom would shake her head and say that this was god’s punishment sent from heaven - a new reminder of our "Original Sin." She even went as far as to fully explain why these men were being punished they were having “anal intercourse” and where unclean. Nightly, while helping her with dinner, my mother and I would watch Peter Jennings on ABC World News Tonight as he reported on the Gay Plague / AIDS crises. At the time, film legend Rock Hudson was one of the first celebrities diagnosed with AIDS and his illness and death became a favorite punchline around the campfire with my fellow Boy Scouts: “Did you hear that they are saying Rock Hudson really died of food poisoning?” or “He got ahold of a Bad Winnie." All these were compounded by both the southern and religious dogmas than were my ORIGINAL SIN and labeled me a hell bound sinner and the cause of the God-ordained plague then ravaging the country.Ĭountless times, during my coming of gay-age, I would hear from my peers, my mother, my church and friends that being gay and gay sex (which I was starting to want, desire and crave) was the lowest of the low and more frighteningly - a death sentence. Growing up, my fears played out daily as I began to flower as a gangly and awkward gay boy in the early 1980’s. And for the most part, my past and present conflicts related to my sexual-self have informed and become the blueprint for almost all of my feature films and have dealt with the recurring theme of my life - acceptance, fear, and living life in the NOW. I believe that there is power in storytelling through sex. I have said it many times and I say it often: I am a proud pornographer.